Letting go is hard to do

Sorry I haven't updated until now. I don't think I was strong enough before. We had to grieve, we still are. It was very hard to let Santa go. Philip has taken it harder than I thought too. She was his buddy, his sidekick in goofing around. As a father to two daughters already, it was very easy for him to transfer the protective father feelings to her as well. I think the hardest part for both of us was letting her go back out into the big scary world without knowing what will happen in the future. She is a beautiful young girl in a depraved world, and it is easy to get caught up in worry about her. We have had to learn complete trust in God these past few days.

Our goal from the beginning, was to choose a girl that time was running out on. (Santa only has a year and a half left in the system in Latvia, then she will age out and have no place to go.) We knew from the beginning that adoption couldn't be an option for us because we both weren't 18 years older. But that didn't stop us. We knew God called us to host an orphan this summer (specifically Santa) and advocate for her as best we can. I have felt such a peace throughout this process knowing that it's what God wanted us to do. We know He has a plan. The hard part is, (especially now) we don't know what it is. We were hoping that during her time here God would bring a family for her. It would have been so much easier letting her go knowing that a family was going to pursue her. A handful of families have expressed interest, but so far things haven't worked out for some of them. This is where the faith comes in. We don't know the future for Santa. I have to be honest and say that we are struggling because we had to let her go without knowing what will happen to her. But we keep feeling God's presence telling us we don't have to know, we just have to do what He calls us to do, and then trust Him with the rest. Each day it gets better, we are asking God to help us trust Him. And He is. We have to let go now and trust Him with her.

I had no idea when we took that first step of faith in deciding to host, that it would be even harder in the end. He has stretched us more than I ever thought. He has taught us so much through this experience. He calls us to follow Him no matter what. Even if it seems uncertain, difficult, and scary. Even if people think your crazy for taking in an unknown teenager. Even when you can't see the path ahead. He just wants obedience and faith. So we are trusting His plan. He gave her to us for just a short time to love. And then we had to give her back. She is a beautiful girl inside and out. She would flourish in a family. Yes, there is still much for her to learn. But, I know she has the desire for a family, and a desire to learn about family relationships and the family dynamic. She was very sad to go back. I know it will be hard for her to adjust from being with a family to then going back to an institution. So, I pray for peace for her as well. I pray that she knows that she isn't just another child, but is loved by a family back in America. And most of all, that she knows God loves her too.

We are praying for her to be hosted this Christmas season. (The list of children will be available in Sept. for people to start choosing) I pray that is God's plan all along. I pray that a family who is wanting to adopt a girl will see her and know that she is wonderful, that she did great on the program, and would be an asset to their family. I pray that God will press on their hearts to host her and then adopt her. That is my hope and prayer.

Philip and I both feel a sense of "Well what do we do now?" We think we need time to regroup. Hopefully we will take a little time to get away for a couple of days. We know that God will point us in a new direction as a family. So we will continue on. Kindergarten is knocking at the door right now for Hannah. But, I think I'll give myself a week or two before I answer. I need to get my act together and start planning. I did sign her up for a couple of educational classes once a week. I did do that today! They are meant to compliment and be extracurricular to homeschooling. I think we'll do Art and a fun reading class. Art because I'm not very artistic (I wish I was), and reading because I want her to start early and develop the same love I have for reading as well. So I'll leave you for the time being with a few pictures of our last two days with Santa. Philip and I were able to take her out, just the three of us, her last night here. We went to the laser show at Stone Mountain. She has a blast! I'm thankful we were able to do one last fun thing with her!